Of course, I am referring to myself. My attempts at being positive and shiny about who I am have died a horrible death under the weight of my self-hatred. At least I am assuming I hate myself because I say awfully mean things.
I say things like, "Why would anyone look in the window to see skinny Lori at home when they might go blind catching me naked?" "I was really sweating in there and it wasn't just a fat girl thing, the rail-thin woman was about to pass out." Add nauseum or is it nausea? Because that is what I am doing, making myself sick with my own vitriol.
Maybe that is why I am not feeling well physically, because I am sapping all of my physical energy with mean spirited b.s. This has to change. I need to go back to journaling and blog more regularly so the kind words and appreciation of myself return.
And I need to deal with my knee and get back into the gym and take action. Ultimately that and healthier eating are the keys to happier Kate, one that will turn her negative language upside-down.
Yours in Health,
Kate
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