Intense Guilt

Tonight I took my first non-scheduled night off from working out in a long time.

My friend Marianne was unable to join me as we had planned. I called Gordon hoping he would be available to join me, he was working. And he said I should take the night off because I sounded tired and my dehydration incident may have affected me more than I realized.

I sat at Jordan Creek Town Center (where I had gone to meet Marianne) and I debated.

I didn't really want to workout, I am tired and I have to work at 4 a.m. But I should workout, no matter how tired I think I am. I walked around some more and called Lori. She had talked about going to the gym and I thought, well, if she is, I will buy a day pass and workout inside. That would lessen my chance of ending up sick again. She was wiped out from a very busy day at Penzey's.

Well, that was it. I decided to give up and head to the store for veggies and home for dinner. That's where I am now. And I am about 15 minutes away from bed.

Gordon told me not to chastise myself, a day off now and then was o.k. I know he is right. But I tried on a couple of dresses for Annette's bachelorette party today and was reminded, by the undressed body in the mirror, how far I have to go.

On the way to the grocery store I felt sick to my stomach from guilt because I didn't workout. I have never felt that way about exercise before. I'm not entirely clear if that's good because it has become a part of me or if it's sick because I shouldn't be obsessed.

Either way I will be back at it tomorrow.

Best always, Ms_H
Weight - 166 pounds