Slogging Through Wet Cement

The last two days my workouts have been tough. Not because they were actually difficult, on a good day I would have been fine. But something in me is askew. I am tired. I am sad. Running feels terrible. A number of little things are plaguing my body and I can't pinpoint a single one that is 'the one'.

Two days ago I decided to run an errand by walking and running. I have done this innumerable times. I had to walk home from work to retrieve some checks I needed to deposit in the bank. My calves and hamstrings were as tight as they have ever been. In fact, I found myself thinking I was more flexible a year ago than at that moment. I walked home and back anyway. Then I took the trolley to the bank.

I decided things must be better now that I was warmed up, so I started running back to the station. It was a little better, but my shin and my Achilles began to hurt on my left leg. While the Achilles has a recent history, I haven't had shin splints since about 3 months after I started running 18 months ago. It was disconcerting. I kept stopping and stretching and trying to rub it out.

Yesterday I met with trainer Traci. She is always ready for me because I love it. She tries very specifically to make my workout difficult and prefers that I whine at some point. She got plenty of that.

I was completely out of sorts. I was a couple of minutes late, so when she out me on the treadmill straight away, I faltered. She wanted me to go my usual easy stride of 6 miles an hour and weave in some hills. I began wheezing, just like I did last week when I ran with Bret. Then my Achilles tweaked and my shin started throbbing. I whinced. Traci let me off and took me to the elliptical. I warmed up there.

Then it was on to arms, where I struggled with the usually easy dips for my triceps, pull-ups for my biceps and push-ups for my chest and back. I felt like all of my strength was gone. Like my muscles had atrophied and I was back to where I started a year ago with Traci.

We talked it through. She confirmed what I was thinking - my crappy, sugar-laden diet of the past few months had to go. Luckily I had ditched it on Monday - tomorrow I will cover the corrections I have made in my diet. She says if a couple of weeks of real food and hard workouts don't pull me out of feeling like this, it's time to see the doctor - I agree.

I finished the workout, but barely. It was the kind of workout that I would have shredded just a couple of months ago. My wimpiness made me very angry at myself. I know everyone has an off day, but they are rolling together like crap downhill and it's NOT o.k. I have become a bad example, even to myself.

So, today it's back to the gym to see if I can shake this off before I end up sleeping with the fishes because the cement has dried around me.

Yours in fitness, Kate

From the beginning... Fat will make you Fat

The past few months I have once again been struggling with sugar. I don't know why I haven't been able to let it go. But every cookie, dense piece of cake and brownie has tempted me to the point of caving. I have spent quality time beating myself up over lacking self-respect. (While stuffing another bite in my face.) It has been self-defeating and just flat negative. But this weekend I had a breakthrough moment.

Fat.

The way I eat these days is low in fat, except for a little olive oil here or nut fat there, almost everything I eat is 6 grams of fat or less. Unless, of course, you count those 'temptations' I mentioned. The average cookie has a minimum of 10 grams of fat - yes, per cookie. Brownie - 20-26. Cake - 25-35. Cheesecake - 35+.

Yes, this label is for ONE! brownie.

While I have been lamenting the sugar, the fat has been piling up. The pathetic thing is that the fat content rarely passed through my mind on my benders. And while we are talking fat - no 'from scratch' baked good worth its sugar is baked without whole eggs and real butter - so bring on the cholesterol too.

Holy crap!

I haven't just been feeding my stress and emotions with the white/brown stuff - I have been damaging my health with flat-out healthy diet contraband! The only saving grace, perhaps, is that I tend to like the locally produced goodies, so no trans fats. However, that doesn't negate the overall affect on one's body. To be blunt - fat with make you fat.

The body feels the need to store that which it doesn't need right now, for a rainy day. Fat is not a quick burn, carbs are, protein can go either way. It's all about your body's make-up and what you are doing around the time you consume your food. While in the end it comes down to the simple equation - calories in needs to be less than calories out - when it comes to losing weight; fat is the last point of interest for the body to burn.

Luckily, the body needs 'X' amount of fat to survive. If we lower our overall fat intake, it will have to burn some of what we have stored to survive. The other way we lose fat is by lowering overall calories - your body will burn fat when it runs out of immediate calorie sources and needs energy.

That is where making sure you are getting enough protein and plant sources come in, your body will seek out what it needs. If you are eating plenty of lean protein and vegetables, it won't bother to go after your muscles or anything else in your body - except fat, for energy.

Obviously, I am writing this to share some fat facts. But honestly I am writing it for me as much as anyone. I needed a reminder of why I don't eat 'treats' anymore, except on rare occasions. There is nothing healthful or body fulfilling in them. They taste good, they give you a temporary high to make you 'feel better', but in the end they are a crutch for people like me.

While I definitely do not believe in ever denying yourself anything - it should be everything in moderation. I 'moderated' myself right into a long term binge. Now it's time to move myself right out. Both my butt and my heart will thank me.

Yours in health, Kate

Old Habits, New Habits

I have spent the last 15.5 months creating old habits, that is, letting bad tendencies go by the way side. I have also been creating new habits to make myself a stronger, healthier, more confident person.

This week I realized I have spent the last few months perpetuating an old habit. One that is emotional and has nothing to do with food or fitness, so I have been ignoring it. Two days ago I decided to face down the situation, because part of changing my body is changing my mind.

I got the answer I didn't want. That, once again, I have created a heart-breaking situation for myself by putting forth unrealistic goals. Not physical, emotional. Physical right now I could handle, my heart is just not as fit.

So, after I found my answer, I went home not knowing whether to cry or be sick. My bad habit is to verbally beat myself up, eat chocolate, crawl into bed and go to sleep. I sat fighting back tears, getting love from Charlie cat and fighting this proclivity to dive into self pity and self abuse.

The last thing I should do is curl up and just melt into the floor.
So, I didn't. Instead, for the first time in longer than I can remember, I literally picked myself up, dusted off and got back to life - a new habit.

I headed to Fitness World West. I'll be honest, my heart hurt and I was not in the mood, but I went. And when I got there, I busted my butt.

You see, above everything else, I was angry with myself for falling in to that bad habit - going down that same stupid road again.

But thankfully I put that anger into an hour of cardio, some crunches and some weights, instead of a crying jag and a night in bed.

My new habit won the day.

After the workout I felt a bit better about the situation that had precipitated the need to put the new habit into action. But I really felt good about having the new habit to fall back on in the first place.

Yours in fitness, Kate