From the beginning...(Part 4)

I have put off writing this today because I am not sure I have a best answer yet myself. Tip #6 - Look inside.

If you are like me (and you probably are since you are reading this) you go beyond the usual reason to eat - sustenance. Food may have been your warm blanket, a friend, a reward or your comfort. But now it has become something you didn't expect - self abuse.

That's right - abuse. Because anyone who is as overweight as I was or is on their way there, is doing damage to their body. There must be a reason why. Something beyond, "I just like food", "I have no willpower", "I'm too lazy" and the list goes on. You have to find that reason, face it and embrace it. Make it your own and rob it of power.

I have looked long and hard inside my heart and mind for the 'one' thing that pushed the emotional button that led to eating. The big umbrella issue - I lost my self-respect.

More specifically, as I let the outside words of family and foe alike seep in, I began to buy into it. They became my own words. As I let more and more of me go, I liked myself less and less. Then any respect I had for me dematerialized like something on Star Trek.

When you don't respect someone, you find it hard to like them. If you do not like them, you find it hard to care about and support them. When you don't like or respect yourself, it's hellishly hard to make an effort to change anything.

And with every poorly planned attempt to 'fix' the weight situation, my self-loathing grew. You see I have trouble with people who say they "can't" do things. Maybe they can't, but more likely they just don't want to try and that makes them seem weak - another trait that makes me very disheartened with them.

So, there it is. While there were a thousand underlying reasons and situations that set things off again and again - lack of self-respect was the ultimate result and my undoing.

I have it back now. With every pound I lost, it grew stronger, because I was growing stronger - physically and mentally. Now, I respect me and best of all I love me. I know that last sounds very 1970's pop psych, but I mean it. And know this, if you don't love, respect and care for yourself, it terribly hard for anyone else to.

Yours in health, Kate