Where the Hell Have I Been?

24 days. That's how long it has been since my last post.

In that time we have elected a new president, my job has changed again, I have gained more weight, my knee injury is only slightly better, I have moved into my new house and I have come to the conclusion it's time to seek help.

Well, geez. I wasn't really going to talk about that last one. But I will in a minute because apparently I need to. First - the other things.

A new president - The election sucked away my time, as expected. I ate poorly and exercised, not at all.

My job - It's complicated, as usual. I will again be making a transition because it's best for the team. I have no idea whether it's best for me or not, I've had no time or inclination to think about it.

The weight - I am attempting to eat my emotions away. One cookie, cake and sub sandwich at a time, hoping to assuage my pain, so far, it's not working for crap.

My knee - I had an MRI. There is a tear in my cartilage, but it's not where it should be causing pain. They would like to do exploratory surgery. I am giving it another couple months of therapy and then reassessing. I have this thing about knives.

My new house - That's what sapped my time after the election. I had to pack and plan and execute a move. Everything went almost exactly as planned - right up until we landed with the first truckload last Saturday and one half of the former owners was still moving out. I kind of saw it coming though and rolled with it. The way I have been feeling lately, that was kind of a little miracle. Anyway, just in the unpacking phase now. Next week is about creating a list of projects and putting together a five year plan for remodels and renovations.

My mental health - I have eluded to it here on the blog for months. Things have been falling to pieces inside my head. I am at the point where I feel like I can't deal with them alone. I will be seeking counseling next week.

I think a lot of things have lead to this point, again. And all of the reasons above, as well as my continued crap luck with men have been a catalyst. That last part pisses me off the most. That I would let anything any man might do affect my mental health or eating habits makes me angry, mostly at myself. Once more I have fallen into a spiraling pattern of pain and self-loathing.

I will NOT let this happen. It is not o.k. to be in pain. It is not o.k. to eat myself back to morbidly obese. This will get better.

The difference now is that I recognize these patterns. That means, when I do walk into a counseling session, I will be ready to be helped and that is half the battle.

Yours, getting back into the saddle, Kate