The face in the mirror

Ignore this post.
I put on a pair of pants today that I purposely shrunk a couple of months ago because they were running a bit big, it worked. Today those pants are quite tight and again, it has worked - I get the point.

Then I was in the bathroom washing my hands and looked up and dear god, there she is again - fat me. My clothes are tight and now, even my face is plumping up again.

For a while people said I was getting too skinny, no one could say that now. I wanted to scream and cry. Look what I have done!

It's only 21 pounds, but it feels like I am carrying another person. I am starting to not feel good again. I am tired.

Even my ring I bought for my second anniversary fits now. Before it was loose enough I had to keep an eye on it. (To think, I toyed with having it sized down.)

I am not complaining, because honestly, I am the only one to blame. Instead I am sitting here uncomfortably in my pants with my own reflection and contemplating.

Yours in blech, Kate

I stress ate broccoli

Yes, it's as absurd as it sounds.

In the midst of a very stressful day - one tired almost 4 year old, lots of work and my mom back in the hospital for emergency surgery to remove her gall bladder - I snapped and ate a cup and a half of steamed broccoli. Mind you this was after eating black bean soup and an apple. So clearly I was already full.

I had to tell someone, because it made me laugh my ass off. A year ago I would have been confessing to half a bag of Oreos and a quart of milk.

The silliest part, despite my "binge", I am not over my calories for the day. Plus I put in a killer walk with my friend Marianne, easily canceling the 45 calories and 200 of their friends.

Aah, how things change.

Best always, Ms_H
Weight - 170 pounds

On the verge

Wednesday is a milestone. I will have been actively attempting to lose weight for 365 days on that day.

I normally weigh in tomorrow, but have decided to put it off until Wednesday. That way I will know exactly how much I have lost, to properly celebrate my anniversary.

Honestly, I am nervous. Nervous that the scale might not have moved from last week (despite my best efforts) and nervous about the future. But the more I analyze those nerves, the more I think it's nervous excitement.

Every day I grow more excited by the possibilities that now exist for me that didn't a year ago. I am pleased that there are more to come.

I'll check in Wednesday with the results.

Best always, Ms_H
Weight - 170 pounds

I have lost a 10 year old boy

That's what 90 pounds is - a 5th grader. And that is what I have lost in weight in the past 51 weeks. Looking at what I have just typed, I think that is odd; but oddly true.

Next Wednesday is one year.

I am, for the first time in a long time, looking forward to the next year. I now enjoy a freedom I never knew I lost. I love this.

Best always, Ms_H
Weight - 170 pounds