Inspiration is like Chocolate - You can never get enough

Stam's Fall Bon-Bons

It's time for our weekly dose of - 'if they can do it, I can do it!'  Today I am sharing a link to one of my favorite places to pop inspiration like bon-bons.

It's Women's Health Magazine. Each month they feature another woman who took control and made the change.  These women may have lost 30 pounds or 130 pounds, but the thing they have in common is empowerment.

So, flip through and see if you don't just find someone that makes you feel like you are looking in the mirror and inspires you to be better.

Yours in Health,
Kate

Finally Friday

I don't know about you, but even though this was a 'short week' due to the holiday, it has felt awfully long.  I have to work both Saturday and Sunday but I am going to try to keep it under four hours each day and hopefully that will boost my attitude.

I am finishing the web articles today for Outstanding Women.  I have decided to do shorter ones for the web and more details for !ntuition Magazine.  That means I can more details about the women and that's a very good thing because it's hard to summarize amazing women in just 300 words.  :) 

My need to write 90%of my day means I will not be working out today.  But I will be making up for it tomorrow.  As soon as I am done with work I am going to hit the YMCA Healthy Living Center and spend quality time beating the bag and doing cardio.  Trainer Gwyn and I agreed it is time to step up cardio.  It's one of the reasons the scale isn't moving much.  I am putting on muscle and losing inches, but the fat isn't shedding at the rate we might hope, so it's time to work harder.

That is actually right on track with my knee.  Therapist Kristi and I agreed to take my PT down to every other week unless something happens and I end up in pain.  It means more exercises at home and increasing what I do with Gwyn, but I am excited, because it also means that running will be a real possibility once I get enough weight off.  (I can't go pounding on my knee at this weight.)

Tonight I am doing a remote broadcast at the Blank Park Zoo, it is their first Family Fun Night of the year.  Hopefully the weather will cooperate.  Right now though I better hit the shower - I stayed home this morning to write.  Yea for writing in my nightgown!

Have a good day!

Yours in Health,
Kate

Quick Update

I have been here too long again today, so I am keeping this brief.

Water therapy with YMCA Physical Therapist Kristi - big yea!

Trained on my own in warm pool because Gwyn was gone and I was already dripping wet - yea!

Going to have my weight and before pictures done tomorrow at Mercy Weight Loss and Nutrition Center - um, yea?  No, no, it's a yea.  Because I will want to be able to look back and go, "Ha, see me now?  YEA!" 

Haven't had an 'official' weigh-in yet.  I just used the scale in the ladies locker room at the Healthy Living Center.  So, I know where I started about 2 weeks ago.  That way I will know total loss when all is said and done.  Okay, now the weigh-in is feeling like an even bigger YEA!

Good night.

Yours in Health,
Kate

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

When I get ready in the morning I look in the bathroom mirror to make sure my hair has not run amok.  When I get dressed in the morning, I glance at the full-length mirror in my room to be sure I am not horribly disheveled.  Yesterday I was clothes shopping and looked in the mirror and finally saw me - all of me.

I had caught a glance of myself on TV the other night after the Fight for Air Climb.  I instantly recognized my shapeless body with the blue shirt.  It made me a bit queasy.  But yesterday in nothing but bra and panties I looked again.  I was a bit shocked. 

You look a certain way in your mind's eye.  As you gain weight you let that picture gain weight too - just not nearly at the same rate as reality.  I had the same problem as I lost weight.  In my head I was bigger than the body in the mirror.  Even at my lowest weight, I was 'fat'.  I'd like to be that 'fat' again.

As I sat on the bench in the dressing room last night I stared in disbelief and sadness.  When did this happen?  When did I stop caring enough to do something?  When will I fully embrace change and do something again?  Or maybe I am doing something right now.

Yours in health,
Kate

A New Page

I just finished writing the hardest article of my life.  It's my new column for Intuition Magazine.  Each article will be a summation of two months of effort (and a story exclusive to the magazine) to redirect my life again - it's long overdue.  I have hit 260 pounds again, that was my starting point last time.  So, it's time to begin again.  This time with the added pressure of even more eyes, which for me isn't a bad thing - I hate to let people down, so that breeds success.  (Now, if only I hated to let myself down - I'll get there.)

Intuition will be published every other month starting in January.  It's a really awesome project I have been working on for some time with our director of publishing Kari Elbert.  We published a magazine in October for LITE 104.1's Outstanding Women You Should Know.  That magazine was a big hit and now we are producing Intuition.

Intuition will be available at doctor's offices, in businesses and on newsstands all over the Des Moines metro.  That will be the exclusive place to find out EXACTLY how I am doing.  I will not be putting weight or measurements in my blog.  Instead the blog will be about the every day ups and downs we all experience with a weight-loss journey.

I know I can do this, I did it before.  In fact, I was at my doctor a couple of weeks ago when she was telling me my thyroid was running low (hypothyroidism) and I asked her about sending me to a nutritionist.  She said, "I could, but you probably know more than they do."  She's right.  Anyone who was along for the ride knows that I became a walking encyclopedia on healthy eating and exercise.  So it's time to sit down, put a plan on paper, draw from my own knowledge and dive in.

I welcome anyone who wants to come along this time.  Weight-loss journeys are always easier with someone walking beside you.

Yours in Health,
Kate

Biggest Loser Update

My family is kicking ass in the competition. I am unbelievably proud of them.

Every one of them is making a great effort and losing weight. I have gained 5 pounds in the first two weeks of competition.

Yes, only I can challenge my family to a contest and then go out of my way to lose. But honestly, it has been the stress eating. Every little thing sets it off. The cancer scare, work situations, etc. And in the end, it's all a crap. I should be able to control my eating, I did it before.

Meanwhile, I have had to buy bigger clothes and currently tip the scale at 206. It's pathetic. I have to find an answer to this. I keep thinking I will find a few hours here or there to actually sit down and think it through. I have to make that happen or it may only get worse.

Yours in transition, Kate

What was that about time?

Another week gone and I haven't posted. I also haven't exercised and I have eaten total crap.

This will all be over soon. I have challenged my family to a "Biggest Loser"-like contest in January. I will not lose at something that was my idea. I refuse.

However, I have to figure out how to do it. I am still banned from running and even biking is killing my knee. There is no decision on surgery because I have other things going on.

That brings me to my shoulder. I went to the orthopedist on Christmas Eve and I am now being referred to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. The doctor says while he thinks it (a tumor in my humerus) is probably benign, he doesn't really see many tumors in adults, in fact maybe one a year. So, he is sending me to someone who specializes in orthopedic oncologist - a doctor who specializes in bone cancer.

My doc is nervous because adults don't usually just suddenly get a tumor. This kind of growth usually happens in kids from 3-15, while they are still growing and producing bone. Adults tend to lose bone mass. I wonder if this will all lead to an admonishment regarding my perverse love of milk?

Mayo will contact me probably next week. I will keep you updated - I swear. No really, I will post. (I know promises, promises.)

Yours in transition, Kate

Another Upside to Moving

I haven't seen the bathroom scale in a week. Of course, right now, I'm not entirely sure what box it is in. I'm sure that will soon be remedied. But in the mean time it is an overdue vacation from watching the numbers rise nearly daily.

There is only one person who can reverse that and she is typing right now.

People keep saying, you did it before, you can do it again. Technically they are right and there are moments when I fully get on board with that idea. Then there are moments involving a mint-chocolate brownie...

Oh well, I didn't back slide overnight, I sure as heck won't be able to pick-up the pieces that quickly. Unless they are chocolate chip...

Yours in redirection, Kate

Sunday Inspiration - Reading

I have blogged endlessly recently about my eating issues, my weight gain, my tiredness and my feeling of being completely lost. Just now I slid over to Women's Health Magazine looking for a "Sunday Inspiration" column and I finally found answers to what has been beating me up.

I try to learn something new daily - one thing about the world and one thing about health and fitness. This article is about stress and how it can effect your weight. I have not only learned something new, but I have had a complete break-through, I have figured out why I have gained so much weight.

I was just thinking yesterday, "What is it that's been grinding away on me over the summer?" I started to wander toward being in a so-so relationship with a man and wondered if my pre-existing issues with the male sex had been the catalyst. Was I so scared of taking one on the chin with men again that I began making myself fat by overeating? I thought about it hard. The very idea pissed me off. Could I have really been that weak? The fact that it angered me made me think it was something else, but men might have played a smaller role.

Then I started looking at the timeline. All of this food crap started as my stress levels rose. As I tried to maintain dating and family and home and work. And there it was - work.

Early this summer, just weeks after dealing with the stress of working 20-22 hour days covering the floods, I was socked with bad news - my role was changing. At that time they told me my position really didn't exist anymore, but they were keeping on to do part of my job because I was good at it. However, since the other part of my job was being given away, I had to find a way to 'justify my salary'.

I am glad to have a job, a job that pays pretty well and has health insurance and most of the time I like very much. But a summer and fall of being in limbo has work me out - mentally, physically, emotionally, intellectually - I am spent.

So, when I read this article in Women's Health, it all crystallized for me. Yes, I had sabotaged my own weight loss maintenance, but so had my own body. My stress has seized control. I'm stressed I eat, I don't eat I am stressed, I gain weight I stress and the circle is endless - until now. Now that I have a much better idea of what the hormone cortisol is and what it is doing to my body - I have a much better chance of fighting back and that is inspiring.

Yours in health, Kate

The face in the mirror

Ignore this post.
I put on a pair of pants today that I purposely shrunk a couple of months ago because they were running a bit big, it worked. Today those pants are quite tight and again, it has worked - I get the point.

Then I was in the bathroom washing my hands and looked up and dear god, there she is again - fat me. My clothes are tight and now, even my face is plumping up again.

For a while people said I was getting too skinny, no one could say that now. I wanted to scream and cry. Look what I have done!

It's only 21 pounds, but it feels like I am carrying another person. I am starting to not feel good again. I am tired.

Even my ring I bought for my second anniversary fits now. Before it was loose enough I had to keep an eye on it. (To think, I toyed with having it sized down.)

I am not complaining, because honestly, I am the only one to blame. Instead I am sitting here uncomfortably in my pants with my own reflection and contemplating.

Yours in blech, Kate

From the beginning... Remember Where You Have Been

As I mentioned, I went to the doctor on Friday. She asked me how I was and I said, "Fat." She grimaced and simply asked, "Why is that?" I confessed that my sugar addiction was kicking my butt, impulse control was nearly non-existent and I seemed to have forgotten what a portion looks like.

She looked up and smiled and said, "Just remember how hard it was to get here." And then we went about our business.

You know, I used to do that all the time. I would think about how hard it used to be to breath, how I couldn't sleep, how I used to overflow chairs. I seemed to have lost sight of that lately. I have stopped looking at obese people and thinking, "I'm not going back". Instead I just look at cookies and think, "I bet that tastes really good".

And you know, it does. That cookie tastes damn good. But...

The body I am letting slowly slip away is better. The wardrobe I am stretching to fit in is nice and at times, sexy. I've not been feeling very sexy these past few weeks - I miss that.

But sexy and self-confidence are simply two sides to the same coin and without the later, I won't get back the former. So, I have to remember where I have been.

I have been morbidly obese, depressed, lonely and pathetic.

I have been thinner, happier, boisterous and sexy.

Now not everyone who is obese is the former, many are the later. But I know I was, so the second option is for me. It's time to put my money where my cookie is and get my butt in gear to make some new memories.

Yours in (mental) health, Kate

Tomorrow is the Walk From Obesity

I go before people like myself tomorrow. There will be people who have lost weight. Want to lose weight. Can't control their eating. Have tried everything. Workout constantly. Eat healthy. And some who may have had surgery. That is the only thing I haven't done with regard to my weight.

I am tipping the scale at 167 right now. That is 18 pounds higher than where I was at the end of May. It is 27 pounds higher than I would like. It is 32 more pounds higher than my original goal. It is unacceptable.

I have had people remind me that muscle weighs more than fat - it does. But muscle is not what is making the buttons want to bust off my pants right now - it is fat. Fat that I swore I would never let come visit again. Fat that has no place in my life. Fat that I can blame no one but myself for - I have failed me.

As I slid back into old eating habits (huge portions and high sugar), I also started to slow down my exercise. That's a 1-2 punch to the gut - literally. I now am living proof of what I have preached for a very long time - "This is forever. It's a lifestyle change. You can't go back to the way you were before, it won't work."

I am feeling very hypocritical as I prepare to stand before these people tomorrow. Some will be looking for hope, some for inspiration. I plan to give them both and I will be looking for both for me as well. I expect I will find it in stories and struggles that sound startlingly like my own.

Yours in health, Kate

P.S. - I have already been proactive - my brother and I are now training for the Des Moines Marathon 5K. Since I refuse to be slower than I was last year - I guess I have no choice but to skim off some weight and get running again.

Henry Rollins

I am very excited. I am going to see Henry Rollins tonight. He is a writer/ spoken word artist/ author/ political dissident. He is highly intelligent (which is the sexiest thing ever!) and he is well built.

He comes to Des Moines/ Ames every year. This time it is Ames and it's FREE - yea!

I remember sitting in my seat at Stephens Auditorium in Ames three years ago when he came. I saw how hot he was and thought, "Someday, I will have a body I am not afraid to introduce him to." Now, I realize, I was letting my insanities make him out to be too shallow to date a fat girl - which is totally unfair - but that's what I was thinking.

Today, I feel better and wouldn't be embarrassed to bump into him. However, Lori would probably knee cap me, because he's her crush, but hey.


Yours in health, Kate

Happy

As has been made abundantly clear on this blog - I struggle like everyone else. There are days when I am down, I have no energy, I talked smack to myself, I want more and don't know how to get it or I am just in a general funk. I was talking with someone last week who is having a little trouble with the mental game and while I advised that 'we all go through that', inside I smiled - my times are fewer and fewer.

While I was overweight people told me I had such a 'pretty face' and a 'nice smile'. As I have lost weight people have said I have an 'infectious smile', I 'light a room' and I am 'unstoppable energy'. There was a period where I couldn't accept those compliments because I thought they were just saying them because I was thinner and people respond better to healthier looking people.

Then I realized I really couldn't accept what they were saying because I didn't see it. I would look in the mirror and see me, the old me - overweight, miserable, sluggish and dragging through life out of necessity, not passion. I still struggle with this sometimes. I still see the 'fat girl' when I look in the mirror. I spent the majority of my life with only one reality, so when I catch my reflection now, it is surreal to me.

However, by and large, what I see in the mirror is a happy person. Happy. That's not a word I bandied around much except with reference to holidays. Now it's often an answer I give to "how are you?" Yes, I am struggling with romance. Yes, my job has changed which is causing stress. Yes, I am once again caught in a battle between food and my self-respect. But overall, I am happy.

I've looked hard at that and know that it's not because I lost weight, it's because I know care about myself and my life in a way I never have before. While I have always been a passionate person, I am now about living my passion. I seize the moment, I love spontaneity, I try not to turn down fun - I live. And that makes me happy.

By the way, here's what a healthier, happier Kate looks like. (It's from the all new LITE 104.1 site.)

Yours in (mental) health, Kate

I Am 2 Years Old Today

July 18, 2006 - people ask me, 'Why that day?' The simple answer is - I don't know.

It was a Tuesday. It was cloudy. It was hot. I stepped on the scale and it said 260. I sighed and simply stated, "I guess I better do something about that." That's it. No big sweeping declarations, no plan, no event I 'had' to lose weight for - it was just time.

Now two years later I am floored that I have made it this far. I wander between 102 and 110 pounds lost depending on how well I eat, if it's my 'girl time', if I looked at cake wrong... It's a constant battle and struggle.

At first, like many people I thought I would get to a point where I would be 'done'. I quickly realized you are never done. It's not a diet or exercise program, it's a lifestyle - it's forever.

I have never felt better physically and mentally than I do today. Sometimes I still do not recognize myself when I catch my reflection. And the woman I am now is happy and confident. Not because I am thinner, but because I love myself in a way I never have before.

So it has come and gone, my celebration of turning two is over. Monday I will talk about what the next year will hold as I work my way toward three. :)

Yours in health, Kate

Will someone please bring in 'da noise?

The funk was here this morning, so no need for that. Yes, that's an obscure reference to Broadway. It's also a description of my morning.

I was traveling along just fine and then, BAM! Something went wrong at work. Then I made the mistake of looking through all of the pictures on the KIOA website - I look fat and sickly/pale. It shattered the image I have created of myself in my head.

I picture a happy, healthy woman. What I saw was a badly dressed, kinda dumpy, scary looking aberration. A half formed version of the self I hoped to be. It drove me to the floor mentally.

I wanted to throw up.
I wanted to scream.
I wanted to cry.
I wanted to curl up in a ball.
I wanted to eat a giant chocolate bar.
I wanted to go home and get on the couch and not move.
I wanted to let go and hold on.
I wanted anything but what was happening in my head.

I went for a walk with Joe and Chandler, AKA - the walking club. I felt better afterward. Exercise helps. But if it hadn't been for Chandler suggesting the skywalk, I would have bagged due to the weather. I wouldn't have felt any better and chances are I would have gone home found my way to several of the suggested options above.

I will say this - I am not a vain person, but for the first time in my life my appearance matters. That is unfamiliar territory for me. I am going to have to be more careful about what I wear. I am going to have to consider the hair situation. I may even need to cave and wear make-up. None of this makes me happy.

I like to be my true self, my authentic self. I know for a fact that woman doesn't 'doll-up' for anyone. Yet, maybe I don't get to be that woman any more.

Yours in (mental) health, Kate

Here is an example from the website:

It's seriously painful to look at.

Finding a new weight loss strategy

Today I begin looking at my food habits, again. I think that, as important as calories and fat are, when I am eating and what I am eating, may have an effect at whether it stays to become fat. I think it is time to once again mix-it-up.

The times of day I struggle the most are in the morning and right at dinner time. With my wacky schedule - up at 2:45 a.m. to work at 4 a.m. and in bed by 8 p.m. at the latest - deciding when to eat has been hard.

In the morning, even with eating a high-fiber, high-protein cereal, I feel ravenous by 6 a.m. Of course, by that time I have been up for over three hours. For most people that might not be a problem, but I have been able to speed up my metabolism via gaining muscle.

That said, it should not be an excuse to eat from 6 a.m. until 9 a.m. continuously. I tend to eat my banana, then a hand full of trail mix, then anything else that isn't nailed down in the break room. I had also picked up a crap habit of using non-dairy, fatty, sugary creamers in my coffee. (I removed that on Thursday and yes, I know better.)

From 9-11 I drink my Starbucks. It's actually one of my more sensible choices. I drink a Venti (large) 1/2 caf, Americano with sugar-free syrup, some Splenda, a 1/4 cup of non-fat milk and a drizzle of half & half. I know it sounds very high-maintenance, but as long as I am paying for coffee, I will get what I want. Nursing that over two hours or more, helps curb my appetite and keeps my hands busy. I now know, I eat when I am bored too.

About 11 I start in on carrots, then at noon some form of protein, followed by a piece of fruit. I try to be out of the office by 1 or so, that way I don't find some kind of junk in the break room to eat. I far too often do for someone who preaches against it.

Once I have worked out, my body needs a snack. I may not be hungry, but if I have just worked my muscles hard, I need to feed them for their recovery. I try to stick to about 100 calories of protein and a piece of fruit.

Then I walk into the apartment, I put my stuff away and begin staring at the kitchen.

I have no idea why.

For the first part of this journey I was able to lock away my demons and make the kitchen my friend again. I was purely eating for utility. I knew my body needed something on board for quick access energy and that's how I kept it. I made it dig deeper for energy when I exercised and that is how I burned off so much fat.

When I am fixing my dinner I begin grazing - a handful of nuts here, a couple of tortilla chips there, then I eat tons of veggies (anything consumed in the kitchen is "free", right?).

Finally I have a sensible dinner. Only problem is, thinking about it now, I have been wandering on my portion control too, mainly at dinner. Then I 'have to have a little something sweet'. Wow, there are seven self-defeating words if I have ever seen them.

In total, a day like above would be 1800-2000 calories. Unless I throw in some extra sugary goodness for some reason, something that has been happening far too often.

So, there you go, complete {ugly} honesty. Now, what to do about it?

My plan:

-Take one meal or snack at a time.
-Plan ahead and do not wander off path from plan.
-Less processed sugar, it has NO dietary value.
-Get back to every meal being extremely veggie heavy.
-Peruse eating plans created by experts that are specifically designed to accomplish what I want. [I have a copy of the "Abs Diet" sitting at home collecting dust, time to at least read it.]
-Follow the good examples other people are setting and remember, I taught some of them to eat that way.
-Talk down that evil wench, Luci. She's not the one who gains fat when I overeat - I am!
-Measure everything again. Eye-balling portions is not helping control calories.
-Don't eat the same thing all of the time, maybe my body is simply used to burning what I have been giving it. I need to reintroduce food challenges.
-Keep working out and keep it diverse. It's the only reason I am looking at 5 pounds having crept back on instead of 25.
-Remember how I got here. I think it is time to go back to old journal and blog entries to find inspiration. Before I landed in the hospital last year, I felt bullet proof when it came to food.
-If none of this works, be ready to pay a professional nutritionist to assist me.

Well, there you go. All of that definitely falls under 'too much information' for you. But I needed to put a plan in writing to deal with this situation and this seemed the best place.

Wish me luck.

Yours in health, Kate

I have gained 5 pounds

Two weeks of eating what 'normal' people eat and/or binging on sugar have taken their toll. I weighed in for the first time in two weeks and the scale read 155. That is not o.k.

Yesterday I wore a skirt I haven't worn in a couple of months and commented that it was snug. "Must have worked when I tried to shrink it." Well, while I do that with most of my clothes, because for a while I was shrinking out of everything, that may only have been partially true.

I am disgusted and downtrodden. I am a bad example.

That's what people hold me up as, an example. Right now I feel like I only embody failure.

I am fully aware it is just 5 pounds, not the full 110 pounds. That doesn't make it any easier to type. Especially in light of the fact that as of three weeks ago I had 6 pounds of fat left to lose. Now I am going to guess it's more like 11.

I have to get my eating under control. I have to figure out what that means again. I have to go back to a belief in myself. A belief that I am more important than the food.

The pathetic part is, I know the tips, the words of encouragement, the end-all-be-all way to eat. So, I should be able to get right back on the horse. Problem is, I think I made him too fat too.

Yours in (not-so-much) health, Kate

BMI My Butt

5' 4" + 150 pounds = 25.7 = "Overweight". Well, yes and NO.

Those are my stats according to the lovely tool - here.

The site also answers what BMI (Body Mass Index) is:

"The BMI is a measure of your weight relative to your height and waist circumference measures abdominal fat. Combining these with information about your additional risk factors yields your risk for developing obesity-associated diseases."

Here are how they breakdown:
Underweight = <18.5
Normal weight = 18.5-24.9 - Where you want to be.
Overweight = 25-29.9 - My current rating claims this.
Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater
Another one they do not show (and where I started) - Morbidly Obese = BMI of 40 or greater.

That my BMI says I am overweight has been bugging me for a while. Then I found a spot on this site that says:

"{The calculator) may overestimate body fat in athletes and others who have a muscular build."

And there it is. I knew that, but I wanted it in writing and the National Institutes of Health have been kind enough to do just that.

You see this simple calculator takes only weight and height into account. Not the endless hours I have spent in the gym proudly packing on muscle. My recent fat measurement tells a much truer story. My body fat is 21.3%. Very healthy, in fact, athletic, which is where I have wanted to be along.

So, the point of my post is: One number does not tell the whole story. You have to bring together many numbers to be clearer on where your health really sits. Do your research and you will know what your real plan should be.

Yours in health, Kate

Before and After Pictures

While I believe my body will always be in a state of change. The bulk of the weight loss is done. I am down to taking off the last few pounds of fat, piling on some muscle and lamenting the leftover skin.

Some days, like everyone, I struggle to eat right or be truly motivated for my cardio. Usually on those days I am also deflated by the fact that - though I have been busting my butt (literally) for the past almost 21 months - I still do not look like a model.

Now common sense girl knows better. I will never look like a model, my body simply isn't made to be that willowy, lightly muscled waif thing. 9.9 out of every 10 days, I am glad. Hell, I like my breasts and my curves. It's taken me a long time to come to respect them and now that I do, I don't want to give them up. It's just every once in a while I get down on myself and think I have not come far enough.

That's why I am glad, when I was looking for inspiration on Sunday, I bumped across Jessica's blog. On there is a software tool that allows you to put in your before and after weight and get computer generated pictures. It even allows you to adjust hair, skin, nose size and more so it better resembles you.

Since I don't really have actual before and after pics, much to everyone's disdain (including mine) this is a nice alternative. Besides, you wouldn't have caught me dead in a swimsuit when I actually weighed 260 pounds!

So here you go - me at 260 in July 2006 and me now at 150 in 2008.






You can do yours at Prevention Magazine.

From now on, when I think I need to be more perfect, I will look at this post as a reminder of how far I have come and give respect where it is due.

Yours in (mental) health, Kate