I have gained 5 pounds

Two weeks of eating what 'normal' people eat and/or binging on sugar have taken their toll. I weighed in for the first time in two weeks and the scale read 155. That is not o.k.

Yesterday I wore a skirt I haven't worn in a couple of months and commented that it was snug. "Must have worked when I tried to shrink it." Well, while I do that with most of my clothes, because for a while I was shrinking out of everything, that may only have been partially true.

I am disgusted and downtrodden. I am a bad example.

That's what people hold me up as, an example. Right now I feel like I only embody failure.

I am fully aware it is just 5 pounds, not the full 110 pounds. That doesn't make it any easier to type. Especially in light of the fact that as of three weeks ago I had 6 pounds of fat left to lose. Now I am going to guess it's more like 11.

I have to get my eating under control. I have to figure out what that means again. I have to go back to a belief in myself. A belief that I am more important than the food.

The pathetic part is, I know the tips, the words of encouragement, the end-all-be-all way to eat. So, I should be able to get right back on the horse. Problem is, I think I made him too fat too.

Yours in (not-so-much) health, Kate