Wednesday, December 31, 2008

New Yous Eve

This is the night we revel in the year past and plan for the year ahead. If we don't down too much champagne, sometimes we even recall those resolutions. Sometimes, if the planets align and the willpower steels, we will actually follow through.

The past:

2008 was a year of the highs and the middling lows. Nothing spectacular happened, nothing disastrous happened. It was just a year.

The highs included my family, the front end of the year with my health, my accomplishments with flood coverage and not having breast cancer.

The latter half of the year was a bit of a mess.

The dating life died, the weight came back on, work stressed me to the max, my knee injury ended my daily workouts and I am again facing the possibility of cancer.

The future:

2009 will be better. I will be better.

Even if the tumor in my humerus is cancer, I will beat it. I am stubborn and strong, stronger than cancer.

I'll take the weight off again. I will win the Biggest Loser contest in my family and spend the kitty on fabulous new clothes or a long overdue weekend away.

I will make work work for me.

I am going to be more me in 2009. That will probably mean dating will end. I'm only half kidding. I put men off. I don't know if it's simply a case of I have bigger balls than they do or what. But they don't even bother approaching me. Oh well, there loss. (Now I will work on meaning that.)

Find more ways to spend time with Caelen. He is my heart. He rocks. I love him.

Those aren't really resolutions, those are actualities. My resolutions are much more mundane and less life altering - write more paper notes, get out of the state (even for just two days), keep my car cleaner, clean the house once a week (I think there is a theme), wear more color.

So here's to you and whatever your New Yous Resolutions are - may you stand strong against the past and forge ahead to an amazing 2009.

Yours in transition, Kate

Saturday, December 27, 2008

The Stubborn Doesn't Fall Far from the Tree

So, as I have noted (many times) my knee is screwed up. I waited too long and then finally went for assistance.

Now my mom screwed up her knee (ironically doing yoga) and she has yet to seek help. In fact it has been over six weeks and she is in real pain. So much pain that she has canceled Sunday dinner at her house - that is never done.

I have pushed, cajoled and harped on her about getting real help. She finally gave in and went to the chiropractor. However, she says it is catching, so I guarantee she needs to follow my lead and see an orthopedist. She hasn't because she doesn't want to face another surgery.

While I can definitely relate to that, I also know if this was me - she'd drag me to the doctor.

She's trying to pull rank, one of those 'do as I say, not as I do' moments. But she's forgotten something - I'm her daughter, she taught me to be stubborn. I will get my way, even if it takes time. ;)

Yours in transition, Kate

Friday, December 26, 2008

What was that about time?

Another week gone and I haven't posted. I also haven't exercised and I have eaten total crap.

This will all be over soon. I have challenged my family to a "Biggest Loser"-like contest in January. I will not lose at something that was my idea. I refuse.

However, I have to figure out how to do it. I am still banned from running and even biking is killing my knee. There is no decision on surgery because I have other things going on.

That brings me to my shoulder. I went to the orthopedist on Christmas Eve and I am now being referred to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. The doctor says while he thinks it (a tumor in my humerus) is probably benign, he doesn't really see many tumors in adults, in fact maybe one a year. So, he is sending me to someone who specializes in orthopedic oncologist - a doctor who specializes in bone cancer.

My doc is nervous because adults don't usually just suddenly get a tumor. This kind of growth usually happens in kids from 3-15, while they are still growing and producing bone. Adults tend to lose bone mass. I wonder if this will all lead to an admonishment regarding my perverse love of milk?

Mayo will contact me probably next week. I will keep you updated - I swear. No really, I will post. (I know promises, promises.)

Yours in transition, Kate

Friday, December 19, 2008

I'm Struggling with Time

It's the end of the year already and yet, it feels like one of the longer years of my life. I feel days go by so fast and yet they feel long. I am beginning to wonder if I did something to vex Father Time and he has distorted my sense of time as retribution.

This has led to feeling like I am in a warp at work. A fight to figure in workouts, even if they are just upper body. And wondering how the hell my house will be ready for Thursday's impending holiday.

There are moments I want to go by faster - pain in my knee. And those I would like to bring to a crawl - any time with my nephew.

I want to learn to appreciate time. To slow down and enjoy the moment. To manage it and make it work for me. And take time waits for no man or woman.

So, while I find myself wishing away 2008 because it has been a bit lousy, I'm hoping it doesn't go to fast, I still have lots to do.

Yours in transition, Kate

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Get in the Holiday Spirit, damn it!

I have had a month long roller-coaster ride. Today, one of the worst things yet, my general manager announced he is leaving in mid-January. He is one of the best bosses I have ever had and is the reason I got back into radio. He makes work fun. He has also had my back all along the way. I do not know how I will fare without him. Or how are group will fare. He resigned after a budget squabble with our corporation. I am convinced the move was his way of loosening the budget a little and possibly saving jobs. This absolutely sucks one week before Christmas.

So, when I ran across one of those surveys regarding Christmas on Annette's Blog, I decided it was time to sip some egg nog and get merry, damn it. Here goes...

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
Depends on how much time I have. I prefer to wrap, but frequently fall into the 'bag it' category.

2. Real tree or Artificial?
Real this year for the first time since 1996. I have been living in apartments or too poor for a tree. Plus, with three cats, there was great fear of tree climbing becoming the sport of choice. Alas, they are almost uninterested. Which is good, but startling.

3. When do you put up the tree?
Just after Thanksgiving is preferable. But we had to wait for the funds to free up, so we got it last week. (Thank you Gordon for the truck.)

4. When do you take the tree down?
After New Year's day.

5. Do you like eggnog?
Yes. AE egg nog. Honestly I have never had any other kind and have never had rum in it, so maybe I wouldn't like the real thing. But AE is like creamy melted ice cream.

6. Favorite gift received as a child?
My record player. I was 6 and it was real. That was the Christmas I had confirmed for me that Santa was real. I didn't even tell my parents I wanted the record player, but there it was under the tree! After Christmas Mom took me out and I bought an Elvis single with my own Christmas money.

7. Hardest person to buy for?
My Dad. I love him so much and he's given me so much. I always want that gift that really gets a reaction. I rarely find it.

8. Easiest person to buy for?
Lori. If it is geeky or foodie, I am safe.

9. Do you have a nativity scene?

10. Mail or email Christmas cards?
When I have the money and time, mail. This year, e-mail. (My deepest apologies to the postal workers.)

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?
Three years running people in my extended family got me sweaters that were size large. I was XXL at the time.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie?
Christmas Vacation, The Preacher's Wife (Cary Grant version of course), White Christmas, Holiday Inn - oh wait, I was only supposed to give one.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
When I have the money. Read that as - this weekend.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
Not technically. It wasn't regifted, it was just given to the person and they knew it had been a gift for me.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
Oh goodness, where to start? Grandma's oyster stuffing, Mom's soup, Lori's cookies, anything decorated by Caelen. I will eat anything, but as you can see, I prefer the things made with love.

16. Lights on the tree?
As many as I can have without causing a fire.

17. Favorite Christmas Song?
To hear sung well? Silent Night. For sexy Santa fun? Baby it's Cold Outside.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?
Always home within the bounds of the Des Moines metro. In fact, this year Christmas is at my new home. (We'll see how I feel about that brilliant offer on the 26th.)

19. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer?
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer and Vixen on Comet on Cupid on Donner and Blitzen. (Yes, I always sing in my head to get those.) And of course Rudolph. Though I hesitate on the latter because he wasn't unearthed until the 1930's.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star?
Star. The tree is mostly Star Wars, so it was a must.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?
I like to wait as long as possible. But with multiple family Christmases, I have to bend somewhat.

22. Holiday-wear, yea or nay?
I have a couple of pairs of socks. I am going to buy another pair this weekend, but that's it. My only real seasonal wear is actually able to be worn all winter - a nice bright red sweater.

23. Favorite ornament theme or color?
Well, after several years of collecting and waiting, we finally got to put up our Star Wars tree this year. Only one tiny snag, a box of ornaments is missing, so we had to go buy some balls. Oh well, it looks nice.

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner?
If I had my druthers it would be pizza or soup and sandwiches. I would rather hang out with my family than stress over not burning the bird. That being said, I am lining up turkey, etc. for December 25.

25. What do you want for Christmas this year?
The same thing I always want - world peace. But as we all know, Santa can't fit it in the sleigh or we would have it by now.

Holiday cheers, Kate

Monday, December 15, 2008

Stepping Away

The end of a long day.

I am now heading home, wanting to workout. I think my big workout will be unpacking, I am woefully behind. My goal is by Christmas, we'll see. More likely, a lot done by Christmas, the rest by our planned house warming party in January.

With my new schedule I am struggling with when to go to the gym.

With the holidays upon us, I am struggling with the constant treats appearing on the devil's playground - aka - the back table.

But now I need to step away from my desk and see what the evening really holds, as compares to what I hope it will hold.

Yours in transition, Kate

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Another Ten Days Lost

Wow. I didn't realize I had let another ten days slip away without posting. I'm sorry.

I have been wrapped up in my health. Last time I posted I was holding back. Here's the lowdown, by body part:

Lungs - steroid inhaler seems to be doing the trick. I ran up the stairs earlier this week without thinking and didn't end up with sharp stabbing pains or a total loss of breath. Yea!

Knee - It's sore. The more I use it and get back to walking a lot at work and slide back into working out, the more it will. I am going to the gym to ride the bike in the morning. I am going to combine physical therapy and pushing it by working out. I want to see where the knee really is when I go back to the ortho on Christmas Eve. I really want it to be good and avoid surgery, exploratory or other. There's a Power Climb to do in February!

My shoulder - This is what I didn't mention. When they did the chest x-ray, which came out fine, they spotted a shadow on my right shoulder. I went back for a series of x-rays on it and they found I have a growth in the top of my humerus. An MRI later and they say it's either enchondroma (non-cancerous) or chondrosarcoma (cancer). The initial reports now say it is most like not cancer. I'll get the final say, they think, on the 24th when I go to the ortho for my knee - he's looking at my shoulder too.

But to be frank, this is my second cancer scare in a year. Earlier in the year it was a lump in my breast.

With my mental state frayed from all the changes this year it really got to me. Then I had to tell my mother, which I wasn't going to do until I had a final diagnosis, and she got really upset. That in turn amped me up.

Finally she took us both to have massages. That helped recenter us both I think.

Now here I sit after having worked all night, about to go put in another hour. I am tired. Not just from today, though there are good reasons for that. Just tired of feeling like a broken toy.

Since June my body has felt like it wants to fight me at every step. I am losing patience.

Yours in transition, Kate

Thursday, December 4, 2008

A week of losing track

I have been able to slide toward getting back on track with food. I have spent the week making better choices. I realized I kept trying to go directly back to the way the uber-healthy me was eating and that won't work. I have gone too deep into my old habits. So rather than beating my head against that brick wall that is myself, I will give myself a break - as so many wise people have already told me to do.

They announced my work transition today, I still have no idea how I feel. No one is quite sure how to treat me. Mainly I am so busy, I haven't had time to 'think' it to death, which is good.

My lungs checked out o.k. earlier this week with a new chest x-ray. They now believe I may have 'injured' my lungs or had a small untreated infection earlier this year that caused my sudden onset of asthmatic symptoms. I am on a steroid inhaler for a month or so to see if that helps.

There will be more later, but I am finally leaving work and just wanted to check in.

Yours in transition, Kate

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Really Busy

It's been a little easier to control my eating the last day or so. My schedule change is helping, I think.

Plus, I am so busy, I am back to grabbing and eating as I do. It makes it a lot harder to just keep feeding your face.

Later this week I hope to face down the gym demon.

Yours in transition, Kate

Monday, December 1, 2008

Rolling on

I am back at work today for the first time in 10 days. I was technically on vacation, but with the move and the holiday, it didn't really feel like it. Plus, my ongoing battle with the blues.

To that point, I have made an appointment to see a counselor to try to hash this out. I am not really a whiner and I have a horrible time feeling like I can lean on other people, even if they offer. So, if I am actually paying someone, maybe it will make me feel freer.

Otherwise, I have made a vow to go back to the gym this week. I also have to make an appointment for PT for my knee. I have a month until I go back to the doctor, want to see if I can make some progress.

Also, going to my regular doc today to talk about my breathing problem. I will hit more on that tomorrow, but it's not just because I have gained weight back. I know there is something more.

Wow, apparently I personally plan to help the medical community in Des Moines pay for a happy holiday. :)

Yours in transition, Kate