Friday, April 18, 2008

I have gained 5 pounds

Two weeks of eating what 'normal' people eat and/or binging on sugar have taken their toll. I weighed in for the first time in two weeks and the scale read 155. That is not o.k.

Yesterday I wore a skirt I haven't worn in a couple of months and commented that it was snug. "Must have worked when I tried to shrink it." Well, while I do that with most of my clothes, because for a while I was shrinking out of everything, that may only have been partially true.

I am disgusted and downtrodden. I am a bad example.

That's what people hold me up as, an example. Right now I feel like I only embody failure.

I am fully aware it is just 5 pounds, not the full 110 pounds. That doesn't make it any easier to type. Especially in light of the fact that as of three weeks ago I had 6 pounds of fat left to lose. Now I am going to guess it's more like 11.

I have to get my eating under control. I have to figure out what that means again. I have to go back to a belief in myself. A belief that I am more important than the food.

The pathetic part is, I know the tips, the words of encouragement, the end-all-be-all way to eat. So, I should be able to get right back on the horse. Problem is, I think I made him too fat too.

Yours in (not-so-much) health, Kate


  1. It is only five pounds and you know how to get it off. I think it's important to establish a limit of how much of a window you're comfortable with. Weight watchers recommends two pounds. But yeah, I've blown by that a time or two or six. It's a process, and sometimes it needs tweaking. And sometimes you need a break.

    As far as being an example, people are less hard on you than you are. And most of us are too busy with our own issues to take time out to judge you. Don't worry about them.

  2. I know. It's not so much the weight as how it returned that is bothering me I suppose. I just have to return to the mantra, "it's a journey".

    By the way, thank you for the ego check.