Will someone please bring in 'da noise?

The funk was here this morning, so no need for that. Yes, that's an obscure reference to Broadway. It's also a description of my morning.

I was traveling along just fine and then, BAM! Something went wrong at work. Then I made the mistake of looking through all of the pictures on the KIOA website - I look fat and sickly/pale. It shattered the image I have created of myself in my head.

I picture a happy, healthy woman. What I saw was a badly dressed, kinda dumpy, scary looking aberration. A half formed version of the self I hoped to be. It drove me to the floor mentally.

I wanted to throw up.
I wanted to scream.
I wanted to cry.
I wanted to curl up in a ball.
I wanted to eat a giant chocolate bar.
I wanted to go home and get on the couch and not move.
I wanted to let go and hold on.
I wanted anything but what was happening in my head.

I went for a walk with Joe and Chandler, AKA - the walking club. I felt better afterward. Exercise helps. But if it hadn't been for Chandler suggesting the skywalk, I would have bagged due to the weather. I wouldn't have felt any better and chances are I would have gone home found my way to several of the suggested options above.

I will say this - I am not a vain person, but for the first time in my life my appearance matters. That is unfamiliar territory for me. I am going to have to be more careful about what I wear. I am going to have to consider the hair situation. I may even need to cave and wear make-up. None of this makes me happy.

I like to be my true self, my authentic self. I know for a fact that woman doesn't 'doll-up' for anyone. Yet, maybe I don't get to be that woman any more.

Yours in (mental) health, Kate

Here is an example from the website:

It's seriously painful to look at.

Where did the week go?

I just looked at the blog, I haven't posted since Monday. I had every intention, but it just didn't happen, so here's a recap:

Monday - Worked out hard - did an impromptu cross-training session. Fast walk, weights & abs, bike, weights & abs, crossrobics (reclined star-stepper), weights & abs, stairs, weights & abs, run, weights & abs, elliptical, weights & abs. Yep, got kind of crazy and my glutes taunted me for it both Tuesday and Wednesday.

Tuesday - The first day of Walking Club at my office. I am the ring leader. Last year it was just me and two or three guys on a regular basis. But people kept saying, "If only you were doing it during the day". So this year I am having outings on Tuesdays and Thursdays at Noon and 5:30 p.m. There should be fewer excuses. Tuesday at Noon, just Joe joined me. At 5:30 Chandler was going to join me, but I got stuck in traffic in Urbandale/West Des Moines, so I didn't make it back. It's raining today, so no walking with the Club. I am hoping for a better turn-out on Tuesday, we will see.

Wednesday - A forced day off. Lori's best-friend Jodee's mom died late last week. Yesterday was her funeral. It was awful. She was feisty, funny, athletic and full-of-life until diabetes began to rob her of so much of her health and abilities.

Today - Back to the gym. In fact, I need to eat something, edit something and then head to the gym in about an hour. So, I better stop posting and get it in gear. I don't want to let today get away from me as well.

Yours in fitness, Kate