Pain. I ran yesterday despite the pain and ouch. I know, if it hurts, don't do it. But I am struggling with that.
I am set to run with Gordon again tonight. Hopefully it will fair better.
The doctor's office finally called yesterday, my orthopedist appointment is Monday, maybe I will find some answers.
I just have to make it through the 19th for the 5K. Then I can rest it a little.
Yours in fitness, Kate
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Feeling a bit better
Why doesn't the scale move after one day of eating right and exercising? LOL. Just kidding.
But, honestly, yesterday I had a good day. I watched what I ate (and logged it) and worked out hard. My knee is acknowledging that today.
While I was at the doctor last week I talked to her about my left knee. I mentioned it at the beginning of September, it was rebuilt and now, it keeps putting me in pain.
I thought at first it was the specific exercises I was doing. But now, no matter what I do - run, bike, elliptical, squats, etc - it hurts like hell. Now, a normal person would say, "I better not exercise". A formerly obese, currently overweight girl, she just can't. I didn't run last week or do much of anything else and that doesn't work for me. I have to keep moving and cut calories to take off the weight.
Anyway, my doc took an x-ray of the knee and not surprisingly, found arthritis. But we agreed, that's not what this is. In fact, it feels like the back of my knee is broken, across the width of my leg. It's sore, sharp, throbbing and slips all at once. Yes, I know, ouch.
My doc is supposed to set-up an appointment with an orthopedist; if they haven't called by tomorrow I will call to remind them. I had joked about really pushing my knee so it actually hurt when I went in. (I didn't want mechanics syndrome, you know, "No, I swear, it makes that noise." But never in front of the mechanic.)
Ironically, I can't make it stop hurting this time and I haven't even been rough on it. That's mainly because I realized I at least need it to last until the 5K on the 19th.
Other than the knee though, I am in a better place. I plan to work on doing better everyday.
Yours in fitness, Kate
But, honestly, yesterday I had a good day. I watched what I ate (and logged it) and worked out hard. My knee is acknowledging that today.
While I was at the doctor last week I talked to her about my left knee. I mentioned it at the beginning of September, it was rebuilt and now, it keeps putting me in pain.
I thought at first it was the specific exercises I was doing. But now, no matter what I do - run, bike, elliptical, squats, etc - it hurts like hell. Now, a normal person would say, "I better not exercise". A formerly obese, currently overweight girl, she just can't. I didn't run last week or do much of anything else and that doesn't work for me. I have to keep moving and cut calories to take off the weight.
Anyway, my doc took an x-ray of the knee and not surprisingly, found arthritis. But we agreed, that's not what this is. In fact, it feels like the back of my knee is broken, across the width of my leg. It's sore, sharp, throbbing and slips all at once. Yes, I know, ouch.
My doc is supposed to set-up an appointment with an orthopedist; if they haven't called by tomorrow I will call to remind them. I had joked about really pushing my knee so it actually hurt when I went in. (I didn't want mechanics syndrome, you know, "No, I swear, it makes that noise." But never in front of the mechanic.)
Ironically, I can't make it stop hurting this time and I haven't even been rough on it. That's mainly because I realized I at least need it to last until the 5K on the 19th.
Other than the knee though, I am in a better place. I plan to work on doing better everyday.
Yours in fitness, Kate
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
The face in the mirror
Ignore this post.
I put on a pair of pants today that I purposely shrunk a couple of months ago because they were running a bit big, it worked. Today those pants are quite tight and again, it has worked - I get the point.
Then I was in the bathroom washing my hands and looked up and dear god, there she is again - fat me. My clothes are tight and now, even my face is plumping up again.
For a while people said I was getting too skinny, no one could say that now. I wanted to scream and cry. Look what I have done!
It's only 21 pounds, but it feels like I am carrying another person. I am starting to not feel good again. I am tired.
Even my ring I bought for my second anniversary fits now. Before it was loose enough I had to keep an eye on it. (To think, I toyed with having it sized down.)
I am not complaining, because honestly, I am the only one to blame. Instead I am sitting here uncomfortably in my pants with my own reflection and contemplating.
Yours in blech, Kate
I put on a pair of pants today that I purposely shrunk a couple of months ago because they were running a bit big, it worked. Today those pants are quite tight and again, it has worked - I get the point.
Then I was in the bathroom washing my hands and looked up and dear god, there she is again - fat me. My clothes are tight and now, even my face is plumping up again.
For a while people said I was getting too skinny, no one could say that now. I wanted to scream and cry. Look what I have done!
It's only 21 pounds, but it feels like I am carrying another person. I am starting to not feel good again. I am tired.
Even my ring I bought for my second anniversary fits now. Before it was loose enough I had to keep an eye on it. (To think, I toyed with having it sized down.)
I am not complaining, because honestly, I am the only one to blame. Instead I am sitting here uncomfortably in my pants with my own reflection and contemplating.
Yours in blech, Kate
Monday, October 6, 2008
From the beginning... Remember Where You Have Been
As I mentioned, I went to the doctor on Friday. She asked me how I was and I said, "Fat." She grimaced and simply asked, "Why is that?" I confessed that my sugar addiction was kicking my butt, impulse control was nearly non-existent and I seemed to have forgotten what a portion looks like.
She looked up and smiled and said, "Just remember how hard it was to get here." And then we went about our business.
You know, I used to do that all the time. I would think about how hard it used to be to breath, how I couldn't sleep, how I used to overflow chairs. I seemed to have lost sight of that lately. I have stopped looking at obese people and thinking, "I'm not going back". Instead I just look at cookies and think, "I bet that tastes really good".
And you know, it does. That cookie tastes damn good. But...
The body I am letting slowly slip away is better. The wardrobe I am stretching to fit in is nice and at times, sexy. I've not been feeling very sexy these past few weeks - I miss that.
But sexy and self-confidence are simply two sides to the same coin and without the later, I won't get back the former. So, I have to remember where I have been.
I have been morbidly obese, depressed, lonely and pathetic.
I have been thinner, happier, boisterous and sexy.
Now not everyone who is obese is the former, many are the later. But I know I was, so the second option is for me. It's time to put my money where my cookie is and get my butt in gear to make some new memories.
Yours in (mental) health, Kate
She looked up and smiled and said, "Just remember how hard it was to get here." And then we went about our business.
You know, I used to do that all the time. I would think about how hard it used to be to breath, how I couldn't sleep, how I used to overflow chairs. I seemed to have lost sight of that lately. I have stopped looking at obese people and thinking, "I'm not going back". Instead I just look at cookies and think, "I bet that tastes really good".
And you know, it does. That cookie tastes damn good. But...
The body I am letting slowly slip away is better. The wardrobe I am stretching to fit in is nice and at times, sexy. I've not been feeling very sexy these past few weeks - I miss that.
But sexy and self-confidence are simply two sides to the same coin and without the later, I won't get back the former. So, I have to remember where I have been.
I have been morbidly obese, depressed, lonely and pathetic.
I have been thinner, happier, boisterous and sexy.
Now not everyone who is obese is the former, many are the later. But I know I was, so the second option is for me. It's time to put my money where my cookie is and get my butt in gear to make some new memories.
Yours in (mental) health, Kate
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Sunday Inspiration - Co-Workers
I have been busy or sick all week. I have not worked out for a week. Today will be no better, I plan to give my body one more day to feel lousy and that's it. I will get back to working out tomorrow. I will also get my food back on track. I have been better while I have been sick, but not perfect. I totally went off the tracks while caravanning with John McCain earlier this week and never quite got upright.
But right now I am at work and remembering Friday. On Friday, as I was about to go to the doctor to be - a. assured I am not anemic and b. told I probably have a sinus infection and given antibiotics - I was beeped in my office. Lori at the front desk wanted me to know a listener was bringing by a surprise - it was 3 dozen! donuts.
It appears he is a fan of my news. That's awesome. Not so awesome, the two and a half Donut King donuts I scarfed down.
But before I took my donuts, I walked the donut boxes around and offered everyone in the office a donut. (Part of me was hoping they would take them all, since my self-control is on the blink.) As I took them around, some people grabbed quickly and slyly, even taking two. But a number of others reached in and then backed out without grabbing one.
I remember being that girl. For the first 16 months of my journey I had this weird ability to look at anything and say no, or just take a small bite. Now, I struggle with not taking a second one, whatever it is.
So, my food got better over the weekend and I think I have my co-workers to thank. Watching them being able to turn away what many people consider the best donuts in town was an inspiration. The two Dans, Peg, Celia, Luke, Scott and a few others I am not thinking of, good for you and thank you.
Yours in health, Kate
But right now I am at work and remembering Friday. On Friday, as I was about to go to the doctor to be - a. assured I am not anemic and b. told I probably have a sinus infection and given antibiotics - I was beeped in my office. Lori at the front desk wanted me to know a listener was bringing by a surprise - it was 3 dozen! donuts.
It appears he is a fan of my news. That's awesome. Not so awesome, the two and a half Donut King donuts I scarfed down.
But before I took my donuts, I walked the donut boxes around and offered everyone in the office a donut. (Part of me was hoping they would take them all, since my self-control is on the blink.) As I took them around, some people grabbed quickly and slyly, even taking two. But a number of others reached in and then backed out without grabbing one.
I remember being that girl. For the first 16 months of my journey I had this weird ability to look at anything and say no, or just take a small bite. Now, I struggle with not taking a second one, whatever it is.
So, my food got better over the weekend and I think I have my co-workers to thank. Watching them being able to turn away what many people consider the best donuts in town was an inspiration. The two Dans, Peg, Celia, Luke, Scott and a few others I am not thinking of, good for you and thank you.
Yours in health, Kate
Friday, October 3, 2008
A Wash
This week has been wasted. I was with McCain for two days eating junk and not working out. Wednesday I had to play catch up and was just exhausted - no workout. Yesterday, it hit me - I'm sick.
I am at the point when I don't know I am getting sick until I am really sick. I think I have at least an ear infection (I'm dizzy) and maybe something in my sinuses and throat.
I am at work, but it will only be until about 10 and then I am going to the doctor. I am hoping to get drugs and feel better by tomorrow. I have a very important date with my favorite guy - Caelen.
Yours in (ill) health, Kate
I am at the point when I don't know I am getting sick until I am really sick. I think I have at least an ear infection (I'm dizzy) and maybe something in my sinuses and throat.
I am at work, but it will only be until about 10 and then I am going to the doctor. I am hoping to get drugs and feel better by tomorrow. I have a very important date with my favorite guy - Caelen.
Yours in (ill) health, Kate
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
An Iowa Culinary Lesson
If there is potato soup at a hotel in West Des Moines, Iowa, it will have bacon in it - lesson learned.
I was on day two of legally stalking John McCain (aka- being in the local press pool) and they were feeding us lunch at a WDM hotel. The wraps looked good, but they had bacon in them. So when soup arrived, I was, "heck yea".
It was chock full of veggies and I grabbed a bowl. I was about 5 tablespoons in thinking how awesome it tasted when one of the national press guys (on his second bowl) said, "Oh, it's got bacon. No wonder it's so good."
I froze. I haven't eaten bacon or any form of red meat in about seven years. I tasted the remnants in my mouth, of course, I should have known that salty, smoky taste. I put the bowl down, grabbed a swig of water and ate half of the protein bar I brought as a back-up.
About 20 minutes later I discern that McCain isn't making anymore news on my beat for the day and head back to work. On the way my stomach starts swelling and I am overcome with ick.
To keep it relatively urp-free - I got sick as soon as I walked in the door at the office.
I went ahead and edited my audio and did some other work, including a surprise press conference with the Governor. Then I drug my dragging butt home and rested for 45 minutes before heading out to do some volunteer work.
Between my culinary misadventure and lack of sleep, I am hurting this morning. But I am hoping working hard today will get me ready to hit the gym this afternoon. Hoping.
Yours in health, Kate
I was on day two of legally stalking John McCain (aka- being in the local press pool) and they were feeding us lunch at a WDM hotel. The wraps looked good, but they had bacon in them. So when soup arrived, I was, "heck yea".
It was chock full of veggies and I grabbed a bowl. I was about 5 tablespoons in thinking how awesome it tasted when one of the national press guys (on his second bowl) said, "Oh, it's got bacon. No wonder it's so good."
I froze. I haven't eaten bacon or any form of red meat in about seven years. I tasted the remnants in my mouth, of course, I should have known that salty, smoky taste. I put the bowl down, grabbed a swig of water and ate half of the protein bar I brought as a back-up.
About 20 minutes later I discern that McCain isn't making anymore news on my beat for the day and head back to work. On the way my stomach starts swelling and I am overcome with ick.
To keep it relatively urp-free - I got sick as soon as I walked in the door at the office.
I went ahead and edited my audio and did some other work, including a surprise press conference with the Governor. Then I drug my dragging butt home and rested for 45 minutes before heading out to do some volunteer work.
Between my culinary misadventure and lack of sleep, I am hurting this morning. But I am hoping working hard today will get me ready to hit the gym this afternoon. Hoping.
Yours in health, Kate
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