As I mentioned, I went to the doctor on Friday. She asked me how I was and I said, "Fat." She grimaced and simply asked, "Why is that?" I confessed that my sugar addiction was kicking my butt, impulse control was nearly non-existent and I seemed to have forgotten what a portion looks like.
She looked up and smiled and said, "Just remember how hard it was to get here." And then we went about our business.
You know, I used to do that all the time. I would think about how hard it used to be to breath, how I couldn't sleep, how I used to overflow chairs. I seemed to have lost sight of that lately. I have stopped looking at obese people and thinking, "I'm not going back". Instead I just look at cookies and think, "I bet that tastes really good".
And you know, it does. That cookie tastes damn good. But...
The body I am letting slowly slip away is better. The wardrobe I am stretching to fit in is nice and at times, sexy. I've not been feeling very sexy these past few weeks - I miss that.
But sexy and self-confidence are simply two sides to the same coin and without the later, I won't get back the former. So, I have to remember where I have been.
I have been morbidly obese, depressed, lonely and pathetic.
I have been thinner, happier, boisterous and sexy.
Now not everyone who is obese is the former, many are the later. But I know I was, so the second option is for me. It's time to put my money where my cookie is and get my butt in gear to make some new memories.
Yours in (mental) health, Kate
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