A new coat of paint

Not for a room in my house to be. (That will all come soon enough.) But one for me.

I have been in a funk for a while and while I am slowly lifting out of it, my mom is helping me take a big leap forward tonight. She is popping for me to have my hair done.

It's been over 8 months since my last hair cut. At the time it was winter, so I had some low-lights put in. Now, my hair is thick with summer blond. And I didn't use an SPF shampoo, so it's also sun-damaged from my many summer runs.

My hair's disarray is pretty typical of my physical upkeep in general, especially these last few months. I need to throw on a new coat of paint and pair it with a new attitude for a complete makeover.

I don't plan to walk out of the salon a changed person. I do expect to walk out looking good. ;)

Yours in (mental) health, Kate

Physical Therapy

I went to my first PT appointment yesterday. I was assigned a very pleasant young lady named Katrina. She broke it to me gently and with a smile that running is not in the cards for the foreseeable future. And that stair climb in February? Uh, no training for that, at all, until the end of therapy, then maybe.

I knew it was coming, but that didn't make it any easier. My only cardio option is swimming. My schedule this week will not allow for wet hair. This weekend though, I will make time.

The other thing I actually didn't see coming was - very little weight training. Anything that might put more pressure on my left knee is bad. So, if I can stand completely upright, or do the move seated with no lower body pressure, I can do it. If not, no. I guess that means my core is getting abused for the next four weeks. I mean I will still do some upper body, but compared to what I would normally do.

I think I am going to get a list of what I am 'approved' to do. That way I won't do what Lori will tell you I tend to do, which is over do.

Anyway, the knee is pretty bad. I'm not supposed to walk more than to run errands and absolutely no running. I am stuck with the stairs up to my apartment, but no moving anything that weighs anything in or out.

That last part will hopefully change before November 22nd. On the 21st we close on our house and on the 22nd I plan to spend the whole day moving whatever I can. That way when the movers arrive on Monday, they pretty much have the big stuff left.

SO this explains part of my grump yesterday. Tomorrow I hope to have more answers on that subject.

Yours in health, Kate

In a circle

I am circling myself with negative talk and cookies. I have let my passing depression about a number of issues put me in a tail spin. Yesterday's diagnosis of my knee and confirmation of something being wrong - well, it was about all I could take.

I have this endless urge to cry and bury myself in chocolate today. It has made me tired and impatient. I do not like being either one.

I am leaving work now, much earlier than usual, because I have to reset or I don't know what. I saw that WebGal had the same bad mojo rockin' yesterday and I feel for her.

Life has put me here, but I am the one who dug the hole so deeply. Now I have to build a ladder to get out - one step at a time.

Yours in (lack of mental) health, Kate

Damn It.

No 5K for me on Sunday.

I went to the orthopedist today. He thinks I have Patellofemoral pain syndrome.

So, I am banned from running or walking long distances for at least a week. After that, it is up to the physical therapist, which I now get to see twice a week for the next four weeks. For now, my cardio is swimming and any thoughts I had of running the 5K Sunday are out the window.

I am terribly frustrated by this, it makes me want to stress eat - lol. (Wish I was totally kidding there.) Anyway, a month of therapy, swimming and generally taking it 'easy' lies ahead. If after that time it's not better, I get to have an MRI and (gulp) that could mean surgery.

The upside? I have done the surgery thing before on this same knee - it sucked, it was awful and it took months to recover. Why on earth would that be the upside?

I am more fit now, weigh less and technology and surgery are eons ahead of where they were. Plus, the Orthopedist I have this time is highly respected and at a private hospital. The last guy was doing his community service for the year at Broadlawns - putz.

So, I am to take it easy today and go shopping. What? That's the other thing the doc said, my inch and a half, sensible heels, have to go until further notice. I am to wear flats. That is lovely, I own one pair, they are purple. This afternoon they will hopefully acquire cheap (but supportive) black and brown cousins. Is that covered by insurance?

Yours in health, Kate

Sunday Inspiration - Reading

I have blogged endlessly recently about my eating issues, my weight gain, my tiredness and my feeling of being completely lost. Just now I slid over to Women's Health Magazine looking for a "Sunday Inspiration" column and I finally found answers to what has been beating me up.

I try to learn something new daily - one thing about the world and one thing about health and fitness. This article is about stress and how it can effect your weight. I have not only learned something new, but I have had a complete break-through, I have figured out why I have gained so much weight.

I was just thinking yesterday, "What is it that's been grinding away on me over the summer?" I started to wander toward being in a so-so relationship with a man and wondered if my pre-existing issues with the male sex had been the catalyst. Was I so scared of taking one on the chin with men again that I began making myself fat by overeating? I thought about it hard. The very idea pissed me off. Could I have really been that weak? The fact that it angered me made me think it was something else, but men might have played a smaller role.

Then I started looking at the timeline. All of this food crap started as my stress levels rose. As I tried to maintain dating and family and home and work. And there it was - work.

Early this summer, just weeks after dealing with the stress of working 20-22 hour days covering the floods, I was socked with bad news - my role was changing. At that time they told me my position really didn't exist anymore, but they were keeping on to do part of my job because I was good at it. However, since the other part of my job was being given away, I had to find a way to 'justify my salary'.

I am glad to have a job, a job that pays pretty well and has health insurance and most of the time I like very much. But a summer and fall of being in limbo has work me out - mentally, physically, emotionally, intellectually - I am spent.

So, when I read this article in Women's Health, it all crystallized for me. Yes, I had sabotaged my own weight loss maintenance, but so had my own body. My stress has seized control. I'm stressed I eat, I don't eat I am stressed, I gain weight I stress and the circle is endless - until now. Now that I have a much better idea of what the hormone cortisol is and what it is doing to my body - I have a much better chance of fighting back and that is inspiring.

Yours in health, Kate

Packing away the calories

This post has a double meaning:

1. I have spent much of the day packing. Our offer was accepted on a house!!! We close November 21st and take possession the 22nd. I plan to have EVERYTHING done a few days before. Lori will be working over the weekend, so I will move as much as I can. then on Monday the 24th, I will let movers finish the job. I am so pumped, I can't stand it. A house, a yard, a washer/dryer, {sigh}.

2. When Lori is gone (as she is with her family this weekend) I eat total crap. Better pack harder.

Yours in health, Kate

Running with Gordon

I did a short run with Gordon last night. He was running a little late and I had to get to Planned Parenthood to volunteer.

But it's so great to run with him. The running itself is good, but the conversation is better. I am too busy for my own good and I don't get much of a chance to just be social with my brothers.

When Gordon and I run together I get to talk to him and I learn something new every time. Even though I have known him for his whole 33.5 years, he always shares something new. And each time it is a reminder of how much I like him, he's a really good guy.

It makes me want to run with Casey (my youngest brother), but I guess I have never asked. He has Caelen and Annette, but maybe I could get him to squeeze me in. But he recently injured his hamstring in a sharp shooting competition, so I don't know if he's ready to run yet. I will ask though, because I would like to know him better too.

Yours in (mental) health, Kate