Monday, June 25, 2007


Wow, it's been over a week since I promised this story, so...

I had to go to the mall for that shin splint guard (which I am still using with success, by the way) and I decided to make a return at Lane Bryant. I had bought two new bras recently and while I have been wearing one daily, the other I had bought for "special occasions" and it had yet to be broken out.

Well, last week I realized the one I wear every day was getting loose, a remeasure told me I am about to transition down a size again. Not in cup size of course, god forbid that happen. I walked into the store seeking my new size and it turns out they do not have it in the store because it's considered small and is generally only available online. Do I want them to order of their website? Yes, please. This was one of those fabu moments of accomplishment, I am slowly moving out of being able to shop at Lane Bryant. Then she asks, do I want to look around before we finish the exchange? Sure, I always want to look around.

I wander. I do not find a lot and I am about to give up and head for the cash register when I spot this dress.

Now, I don't own a dress right now, I have given them all to charity because they no longer fit. This hasn't really broken my heart because I have a history of not looking the best in dresses anyway. However, I have two family weddings to attend this summer and while a dress has been given to me for one, the other has left me perplexed.

It's my brother Casey and his fiance Annette's wedding. It's at a city park, with the reception in a facility by the lake. While I knew I needed something nice, it is in mid-August in a park in Iowa, satin isn't going to cut it. Besides, I am photographing the wedding, so I will need to move about freely. Well, on the hanger, I thought this dress fit the bill so I grabbed it.

I got in the dressing room with the size 16 figuring it would barely fit and I would hate myself and go home. Instead I put it on and it fit perfectly and for the first time in 20 years I looked at myself in the mirror and said, "Damn". As in damn fine. I kind of stopped breathing for a second as I realized by the time the wedding rolled around I was going to need a size 14! I just kept repeating "damn" under my breath and nearly cried from disbelief and joy.

You see, despite watching the numbers fall on the scale, I still see myself the way I looked when this started. I have talked to a few other people who've lost substantial weight and they admitted to suffering the same problem. But I have concluded that when you have been overweight for more than half your life, it is going to take a while to see a new truth. The truth is, I am not going to be the "fat girl" forever and my skepticism will sooner or later be faced with an image in the mirror it can't deny. In the meantime I am looking forward to more "damn" moments to get me there.

Best always, Ms_H
Weight - 176 pounds (I weigh in tomorrow.)

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