Thursday, March 4, 2010

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

When I get ready in the morning I look in the bathroom mirror to make sure my hair has not run amok.  When I get dressed in the morning, I glance at the full-length mirror in my room to be sure I am not horribly disheveled.  Yesterday I was clothes shopping and looked in the mirror and finally saw me - all of me.

I had caught a glance of myself on TV the other night after the Fight for Air Climb.  I instantly recognized my shapeless body with the blue shirt.  It made me a bit queasy.  But yesterday in nothing but bra and panties I looked again.  I was a bit shocked. 

You look a certain way in your mind's eye.  As you gain weight you let that picture gain weight too - just not nearly at the same rate as reality.  I had the same problem as I lost weight.  In my head I was bigger than the body in the mirror.  Even at my lowest weight, I was 'fat'.  I'd like to be that 'fat' again.

As I sat on the bench in the dressing room last night I stared in disbelief and sadness.  When did this happen?  When did I stop caring enough to do something?  When will I fully embrace change and do something again?  Or maybe I am doing something right now.

Yours in health,


  1. I wish I had some helpful wisdom to share. (I'd share it with myself too.) Truth is, we know WHAT to do, we just sort of forget HOW. Good luck finding your 'how'. It's a struggle every day, but it IS worth it.

  2. I want you to be happy and healthy. To do that the key is acceptance and truth. Love who you are at each moment because it's not the destination, it's the journey and it's all baby steps. Take a good look in the mirror and find the things you like - do the same within your heart. Make small changes they will turn into permanent change. You can do it.

    I love you.

  3. Thank you both for your unconditional love and support - it means everything. This will happen, but it's all on me now.