I go before people like myself tomorrow. There will be people who have lost weight. Want to lose weight. Can't control their eating. Have tried everything. Workout constantly. Eat healthy. And some who may have had surgery. That is the only thing I haven't done with regard to my weight.
I am tipping the scale at 167 right now. That is 18 pounds higher than where I was at the end of May. It is 27 pounds higher than I would like. It is 32 more pounds higher than my original goal. It is unacceptable.
I have had people remind me that muscle weighs more than fat - it does. But muscle is not what is making the buttons want to bust off my pants right now - it is fat. Fat that I swore I would never let come visit again. Fat that has no place in my life. Fat that I can blame no one but myself for - I have failed me.
As I slid back into old eating habits (huge portions and high sugar), I also started to slow down my exercise. That's a 1-2 punch to the gut - literally. I now am living proof of what I have preached for a very long time - "This is forever. It's a lifestyle change. You can't go back to the way you were before, it won't work."
I am feeling very hypocritical as I prepare to stand before these people tomorrow. Some will be looking for hope, some for inspiration. I plan to give them both and I will be looking for both for me as well. I expect I will find it in stories and struggles that sound startlingly like my own.
Yours in health, Kate
P.S. - I have already been proactive - my brother and I are now training for the Des Moines Marathon 5K. Since I refuse to be slower than I was last year - I guess I have no choice but to skim off some weight and get running again.