First, how do you like the new look of the blog? I am gleeful! Blogger has introduced a new tool to help create templates that are beautiful, not generic, I love it. The new look is a much better reflection of what "Get Healthy with Kate Garner" is all about. And now on to just that...
Friday, as I mentioned, I took the day off. I slept in, I ate a late breakfast, I did some housework, I took a nap, I did even more housework, I had a friend over for drinks, I went to dinner with my brother and I landed back at home to relax. It was a busy, except for the naps, fruitful day. I kept my food relatively under control and only had one drink with my friend.
My workout on Friday was a combination of housework, stair climbing and lifting weights. I was surprised by how trying to move quickly throughout the house actually kept my heart rate up. By the time I hit the shower for my friend's visit I was sweaty, tired and satisfied I had worked out.
Saturday I woke up with a migraine as the storm rolled in. I was convinced the lights flashing were in my head until I was finally able to focus on the distant clouds, LOL. So, I dropped four ibuprofen and snuggled back in the sheets. When I woke up three hours later the headache was all but gone, thankfully. Then I did a healthy breakfast, worked out with weights and dancing, went to work, ran an errand, got my hair trimmed and went to see the A-Team with my dad. It was a fun popcorn movie, so that's what I ate - it also acted as my lunch. Not a great choice, but I didn't add M&M's, so that must count for something. :)
Then I checked my e-mail via phone and my day went off the rails. I got an e-mail from a friend telling me that someone I once cared for deeply was getting married. She even included a link to their wedding planning site - I am not a complete masochist, so I didn't look. But the very idea hit me hard anyway. I mean, I haven't seem him in almost two years. I knew he would end up marrying this woman. I don't have overt feelings for him anymore and yet, there was that pang.
I know there were a couple of factors at play - 1. 'There goes another person getting married before me' and 2. The standing self-worth issue of 'why am I alone'. Rather than suffer with the memories and pain they brought up, I ate. That's what emotional eaters do. Rather than feel the pain or anger or frustration, we eat. I went straight to a favorite barbecue joint, got my favorite sandwich, sweet potato fries and went home to stuff it down.
I made myself sick. I never eat that much in one sitting anymore and I knew I was going to feel like I needed to puke when I got done. So, I stuffed it down faster than my body could register the load. A few minutes after I finished, my body bloated and I was miserable. Not only physically miserable, but emotionally miserable. I was angry with myself for once again letting someone else's actions make me self-destructive. Rather than go for a walk or play another game of my favorite food distraction (Bejeweled) I fell back to my old friend food. It was pathetic.
And there it is, the last of beating myself up for faltering with food and emotions. I have to let this incident go. If I continue to harp on myself or drag this out, it will only cause more binging. My self-flagellation will only encourage me to get depressed and thereby eat ice cream to assuage those feelings - the circle would just keep spinning.
Instead, it's Sunday and I begin again with more knowledge about myself than I had yesterday and that is what I need most. I need to recognize the problem, deal with it and move forward, not look back. So, today I have had my oatmeal and coffee and now I am craving a salad for lunch. I think it's my body asking for a detente, I will oblige. In fact, the remainder of the day only holds healthy options as I work my way to a funeral and then on to doing laundry and then to a new week.
Yours in Health,