It was water therapy with Kara today and training with Gywn at the Mercy/YMCA Healthy Living Center. By the time I stepped out of the water with Kara, my legs were nearly limp. Then it was upstairs for upper body with Gwyn. When I say 'noodle arms', I am really not kidding.
Even typing now I feel like I am pushing myself. LOL. I even whined today. In fact, I found my whole arms and shoulder thing pretty funny or at least I kept breaking out in laughter. I hope Gwyn didn't think I had gone 'round the bend. I mainly laughed for two reasons: 1. Look how far my athletic self had fallen. 2. If you don't laugh, you might cry.
I remember being so proud of my 'guns' - read: very muscular arms. Now using the green band makes my arms feel like jelly. Besides, I have to laugh at my lack of fitness or I might cry at how far I have gone downhill and that won't do.
I have sworn that even on the days I am aching or particularly bad at an assigned exercise, I will do the workout anyway. Don't get me wrong, if it hurts to the point of potential injury - it isn't happening. But if it's just good 'ol lack of faith in my abilities, too bad, I am moving forward, not back.
I want my healthy, athletic self back more than I want to give in and really that's the key for everyone when it comes to this kind of journey you have to WANT it. You have to want the smaller size pants more than the super size fries. You have to want to not get winded walking up the stairs more than you want to surf the couch. You have to want to look in the mirror and be proud, more than you want that brownie. (Oh, wait, or is that just me?)
I want me back. Not the me from pre-July 2006 (she was unhappy and morbidly obese). I want the me circa May 2008. She was happy and confident and had given up obsessing over the number on the scale. That me understood it was how she felt and whether she was healthy. I am on a path to be that me again very soon - noodle arms be damned. :)
Yours in Health,